I've determined everyday for a week to sit down and share some of all that has been on my heart and mind, and some of what's been going on in my home this week, but...alas...it seems that there hasn't been a spare moment. To be honest, I'm afraid I've lost much of what I've wanted to share, but am praying that the Lord would bring to remembrance that which is most important as I attempt to blog this evening.
One of the things that I wanted to share with you is the fact that the Lord is doing a great work within me. In the past few weeks He has set me free...literally DELIVERED ME OF...a hurt that has ached within my heart and soul for more than 30 years. I won't go into detail, but this is something that I, never in my wildest dreams, would ever have imagined being free of and it feels so good to experience that freedom from pain! And for the first time in my life I believe that I have truly experienced the "joy" of the Lord!
My healing started a few weeks ago with a heart-wrenching blog post from a woman I had recently ran into on-line (I don't remember now how I even found her, but I'm so thankful that I did...and I truly believe that the Lord Himself caused our paths to cross), but I really didn't know her at all. It's hard to explain, but through the sharing of her pain, my healing began.
During that same time period I was talking to my friend, Robin, on the phone and she told me about a book that she had just finished reading (Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge) and she told me that it really got down to the depths of what a woman's heart truly is and that I really needed to read it. So...I found it on-line and ordered it. It arrived in the mail a few days later and I started reading it.
The first chapter was to die for...the second chapter I, literally, had to push my way through...chapters three and four were quickly devoured, then the remaining chapters followed steadily. There were a few things about the book that I didn't like, but overall, it was just what I needed. Unbeknownced to me it was the "next step" in the healing process. As I read, page-after-page, old things (lies of the enemy that had for far-too-long been believed, past aches, pains, and fears) began to melt away as the truth of God's love rushed in to take their place and, for the first time in my life, my heart (not just my head) believed that I was worthy of that love. For the first time my questions were answered and I understood...really understood...that Jesus, and Jesus alone, can define who I am.
I could go on and on with trying to explain all that the Lord has done for me during this process, but there simply are no words to explain all that the Lord has done for me...the healing that has taken place within me. I will say this...
#1 - I'm Scots-Irish. I have always believed and understood that God is a God of judgment...and He is! But I have never been able to understand, nor get a hold of, grace. Now I do!
And #2 - In my life the Lord has, literally, delivered me of three things...cigarettes, alcohol, and now this...the one thing that I never thought I'd be free of...an ache that has torn at my heart, soul, and spirit for over thirty years! Praise the Lord for His supernatural deliverance! I am so thankful!
The days that have followed have been joyful. Yes, there have been ups and downs. Trials? Yes! But through them all, I have managed to maintain joy. Things that used to would have put me on a downward spiral for days at a time have only been momentary glitches that have been short-lived. It's been an experience that has forever changed the course of my life and I am thankful!